Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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