You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
