your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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