Banned from zoo.
Again?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
