On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
