somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
