**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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