like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Found your dick twin last night
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Randomize
