whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
