Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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