his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
