Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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