More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
