I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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