I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Randomize
