he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
