whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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