Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
