Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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