So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
