peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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