1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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