Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
