Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
