So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
