franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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