I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
