Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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