Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
