Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
