My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i used baking grease as lip gloss
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
