I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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