WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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