Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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