I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
