How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
