The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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