The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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