my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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