I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
