After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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