I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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