apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
