hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
