Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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