do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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