dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize