just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
