No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
