if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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