I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
