rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
