in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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