He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
