Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
