end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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