His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
