pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
