respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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