I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
