She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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