Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
